its past midnight now. or rather exactly midnight. but in any case. i guess i should at least owe it to myself to write down wad i feel. to was our open house. the day started out ok. usual stuff with friends and co. then suddenly this thought hit me. kinda went like. 'all that u're doin. does she even notice n appreciate. or do she talk u ask one of her normal friends?' thn i just started questionin. weighing out everything in my mind. throughtout the day my mind was just busy with this.
seriously. does it really mean nothing? why do humans only learn aft they feel the pain? it is so typical of everybody not to appreciate what you hav. and one day the punishment will come. when u will know how important that person is. when they may seem just to be another person.
hopped over to the ki booth. and this nanyang girl went. so whats the meaning of life? and i happily gav her my view. that it is a period of time when we are condemned to repeat the mistakes we make time and time again. thn she asked, so is life really that meaningless? and again i snaped back sayin that life is not meaningless but instead the process we go through that is meaningless. life as i see it is to endure the rat race to see which of your own species can outwit each other. the one will become the biggest 'rat'. so thn this set me off thinkin abt life n all. that how predictable humans are. and how good it is to know what a person will do next and wad they're abt to say. in that way wouldnt life be more interesting? becos in that way we can alter the future. sick dream but i want it. to manipulate the human mind. power is not abt millitary drafts or money. its the ability to control peoples' minds. i want to control peoples' minds. sick sick sick ambition.
i realised how unimportant i am to u. or how i perceive that i am. but frm all that i can see. i really dunoe why im trying at all. aft all these time i still am unable to realise that fact. no matter what i do or how hard i try. i will still be a friend. because ur eyes are not lookin this way. ur oblivious to wads happenin except those that u wan to know. human characteristics again. how typical. and aft all these time i've tried and my 'position'(for a lack of a better word) has not changed at all. i am still the same as before.
ok.i see now. somehow i knew that this was goin to turn out this way. its no use for me getting angry upset n sad over this anymore. frm now im goin to treat everyone the same. preferential treatment i have not been granted i will not give. i shant try anymore. cos it jus made me realise how condemned we as humans are.
that through all the cruelty we have brought upon ourselves and fellow man, all we have learnt is how to commit more hideous crimes that we will one day reap the results of. lust, power, control, wealth, longevity, perfection. all man want these things so desperately. our society n world is the result of thousands of years of the struggle for those things. ironically i believe the answer still lies with humans. that only we have the power to undo what we have done.
u have only eyes for him and no matter how i wave in front of you. i am invisible. i guess i'll jus hav to get back to being a face in the crowd. maybe hate is not such a bad thing after all. love is all bullshit. the Façade ( pronounced fasard) of the power n image we seek to achieve. th pseudo life we strive to create. take off the image that has burnt into ur mind. the fake image n pervception we have. whats normal? find a job, get married, have kids, die in ur lifelong partner's embrace? typical. but no, its not for me. skip everythin n go to the last step.death. why is everyone so afraid of death? to save themselves they would kill another person. sick game but very meaningful. it reveals the true human character we have beneath all the layers of make-up we put on.
fine. i'll gracefully take my leave as u continue on ur life. u have changed many of my perceptions of life. i have learnt many things which i am really interested to know. like how far someone would go for love? death? too easy. pain is what i mean. how much pain would u endure for love? how far would u go in torturing someone else for love? humans are interesting creatures. yes. my thesis is taking form. i know what im going to do for my paper 3 nxt yr. how humans only choose to see what they want.
theres no hope because u have alrdy seen me in a diff light. i am not like others and u dont treat me likewise either. thanks.
this has been a meaningless post.
